as everyone know, mars is the 9th planet far from earth,it knows as the god of war due to the red color that has. but in the manga i read, that named mars.. it's the person who is considered to be the god of fighting or the god of war. if you read just until the 4th chapter... you will be moved by the name and the wonderful story like i did, it's all about the fighting the sidicide,fighting the death, fighting this world with the strong of your heart .. it's really good to feel the reason you are fighting over it, i know i could believe some words that anyone will not believe it, especially from anime or manga, but it's all because i live in my imaginative world .. rather than staying in the real world.

 

Mars.. are you a planet ?? .. when i was a child, i thought alot about planets, the earth and the space .. i thougth what if there is somewhere out in the space a human like us.. what if there were some kind of the creatures that think about us like we did. WELL, i also think about more questions such as "do they have an internet??" or "how did they live right now??"; by asking these questions to myself, i thought i'm interesting to know about the other planets, about Astronomy. but when i start read about it..i realized that i'm not interesting in the science materials. BUT i was interesting in the color, in the world far far away from home .. i could see myself free from the ties that fall me over here. i could see out of the empty dark room with no color. from back then, i know that nobody are looking at me while i'm the one who looking into them .. it's my natural, to be alone or out of the sight. from that time.. i was soo afraid of getting lonely,although the truth was so oppisite from that.

Sometime i got bored, and sometime i wish to cry, but after you spend more than 10 years alone.. you will only know how to keep your self out of the sight; cause if you got involve in something called interaction with anyone. you will feel kind of wierd. whatever happened back then, i was ok. But NOW i miss being lonely . it's comfortable feeling of not getting involve with the kind of mystery feeling that i felt those two week ago ....

 

the fighting to survive with ppl that have no feeling & no sense to the around . they dont feel the rise of the sun or the beauty of the color .. i could know them more than themself .. and they see me as black object.. they dont feel me inside but they think it's ok to judge me

 

anyway, my life is not that bad like i imagined. it's completely fun and lovely. the thing that i hate it in my life is kind of difficult i guess, but you can simply say, it's my movement in this life, it's my future that i fear. the past was sad and fun, the present is lovely and beautiful and the future is terror. after whatever time i go through.. i wish i can fight the future and live the moment. in the end i wish i could be mars someday.

 

MYself NOW: "what i read/hear is what i feel and what i feel is what i draw"..

 

HOPE to you all the best of the best ..

and i wish for someone that i loved the very very very best ^_^

 

first of all, let me say ..

 

it was on wednesday, we all of us get together and give U the most funny presents that you will imagine. i hope you love it, like we love U ^_^... i never ever think my self i will got my chance and give a present in this day..and to have this chance.. i'm really happy..

happy mother days to all the mothers (^,^)

 

second ..

i hope you all alright.. and have fun with your life. cause life is short, [ we should think carefully and carzy, when we live it ]..

it was a crazy week, but i love it. it was full of happeness ..although i was having exam on wednesday. and i dont know how, but i didnt do well on it. but it's ok, cause there will be other chances. however, there is only less than 4 months that we will be together, and from now on think about "Seriously how we will live", how we will enter the life .. i thought, when i finished high school, the university will be our life, our "real life". but it was just the phase like a high school, it just differ when it come to studying, in university we should study by ourself. for me, it was more than that. i did many projects that i put my soul on it. i create a wonderful friendship that i will never ever replace it by anythings. i discover that this life have different ppl that think totally different than me, i know how ppl live their life. it's not only the computers in there life, there is alot of things you can do. there is a lot of subjects you can talk about, i know now that i wasnt ready to go to the real life. i spend 4 years understand that.. 4 years, with amazing friends. that help me too much to understand how to deal and treat ppl with such a manors. friends that help me when i was really depressed. friends that go with me to the zoo although it's for children ;like other say..

MY father say, you will never need your friends, they just here when you are having fun. but i stand to hom and say. it's not true, they were there when i was crying and you ignor my tears, they were there when i was depressed and i dont know where you were?.. i know the friends like them will never leave my side.. and they will be there in my heart.. they are my treasure..

 

However, there is something that i didnt understand it until now, which is "the reality".. this word that ppl in our world start to repeat it. this word meant to known as the real life.. what is the reality in this life??? why until now i dont know such an easy word??

my best friend say. that the reality is different from what we are living right now.. how that could be?? so until now i thought i was living like other ppl ??.. i know it could be different than other ppl, but it's a real life, it's a reality..

When ppl come to say this word, some of them could make a cruel things with it. cause in reality, it's not the peace world that we imagine, there is no friends or lovers.. there is no safe.. there is always ppl who want money.. ppl who want the best for them self even if it's not the best for other.. ppl who will replace their friends cause they want a high marks.. and those ppl will always say.."what a cruel world??" , this is reality as i understand so far. but there is so many gaps that cant combine them together .. there is a missing picture in this meaning.

i think this is not reality, the reality is the world you create it. the happeness that you wish for it and achive it. and to be honest, i dont believe that there is such a word called "Reality" with this meaning. this meaning is just an excuse to let yourself do the cruel things.

 

MY point is, there is some ppl who i love understand the reality in a wrong way, in reality there is a creativity and imaginativity.. there is always possible way to make a peace world, with happy and enjoyable friends that live their life for obeying thier god.

 

Anyhow, i know myself now, and i think after this course i will have another phase that is compeletly different than this, i will cry.. i will got depressed.. but i will never forget that i once have fun with U ( forever friends )..

 

have a nice weekends..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

we've started university two week ago, everyone including me was happy to see each other again. althought we know it's unviersity and we have to study, but still it's soo nice to spend a time together.. but the problem, that i dont want to do anything..

in the first week, i told my self .. it's ok ..this is the first week and it doesnt matter if i study or not.. i spend the whole first week on playing sony, watching anime and on my laptop.. it was nice for one week..

the second week .. which is this week .. i'm still not having the mood for opening any book or even constrating on the lecture.. i know this is bad.. this is reallly bad.. as most of you know.. this is my last semester in the final year of my university life.. i have to do my best in everything.. but what is happening is the completelly opposite.. and this is start to bother me more and more.. i'm not doing anything.. i'm not playing nor watching anything.. i'm not anymore can stand sitting on the laptop nor studying or reading anything.. i dont want to draw anything.. or thinking about anything.. i dont want to sleep or eat .. it's really bored ... i dont know.. but my plan book is empty .. and i dont know how to write anymore.. i have no idea what was the thing that i want to write in this entry.. i'm soo tired from thinking .. 

 

on the top of that... there is a nightmere that i dreamed of it everynight.. yesterday was different.. but there is some part that will always repeated.. why?? maybe i did something wrong.. or maybe i'm not me anymore.. i admit .. i'm different than the person i used to be.. even i have some of my old personallity. i change alot.. i dont know if it's to best or worst.. but right now i'm feeling down and i dont want to think of anything anymore.. i will just stop thinking at all .. what happened is happened .. and i dont care about best or worst.. i just want to live a life with anything in it.. the empty that i'm living on it right now will kill me .. so anything goes ..

 

"screaming in the white room.. there is no body there. i'm alone.. and i'm tired .. i dont have any idea what should i do . for the next week will be hell or just like a dream maybe i should give up on all and that's why .. i'm here alone.."

 

 i'm unable of doing anything... i try to make a new design of the title "stop thinking" but the result you can see it in the affected albume.. it's useless.. i just choose the picture and write the words.. that's all .. this feeling of useless really annoyed me .. i wish this is the peak of the downhill and from now on it's up up up ..

 

 

 

After 20 days of Vacation .. WE are back to university .. Starting with SEMESTER2 .. it's Spring everyone .. so lets make it a very lovely .. " let's make a sweet memories together "..

 

it's my Final Year .. it's my Final Semester .. it's my Final days in university ..

it's the starting of The End .. so let's not waste a time on geting fighting and staff.. and let's make a memory that will remind us of the sweet moments.. Shall we??

 

Anyhow.. first day was exhausting for me, i was having a huge pressures. and to be honest.. i'm much nervous right now.. it's so hard to let anyone dissappointed from u, especially your childhood friend. but i have to take responsibility, there is no way i can run away ... and i dont know how to make it right. hope everything go smoothly and we can do things right.

also, in my vacation, there is uncomplete projects, as always, so i have to complete it this week before i got stuffed with studies and assignments..

 Alot alot of things happened in such a small time, some of it was fun and some of it was really sad or annoying.. but it will be a memory in the end.. right??

 WELL .. First day .. & Final semester... it's hard, & with the days come, it will be harder ..

so.. MY FRIEND.. PLZ dont make it impossible with your fights ..

 

it's nice to see everybody get along.. with Laugh and Smile on their faces..

 

What will be the end ??.. how the things will finish ??..

 This is what i'm thinking right now.. yes i'm very sad .. yes it's hard .. yes we will finish and got depart..

 but still .. i dont want to cry.. i dont want to be sad.. there is no time for that.. it's only got on our way.. we can make our dreamy end if we got busy with thinking of the end .. Right??? 

 

best wishes for all of u ..

 I hope this semester will be easy and fun