from the starting of this semester, i was dreaming of the vacation .. "this vacation" .. finally .. i can live my life and have my freedom .. finally i can sleep at anytime .. finally i can dream about anything .. no nightmere, and the routin of life is kind of fun :) ..

 

in general, i love vacation..although this vacation is not (and will not be) same as every vacation i have .. i think, now i understand things better and the clueless girl is finally become acknowledged of what ppl, culture, sociaty think and how they change... however, i'm a little confused about everything around me, i think the understanding of things come with one flow, without any moment for arranging them.. i'm sure it just a phase .. and my life will change more than i expected.. this change could be not better .. but not worst ... i just wanna peace and i hope, i can have it someday..

 

it's vacation afterall, and i wanna clear all the paths i have .. all the misunderstanding and all my feeling and goals.. i still have time and i dont want to waste it .. so i hope the comming days will be better than past.. moreover,in these day, i hope i can restore my whole identity that i lost it somewhere in the past few months..

 

"Hoping for the best ..."

 

 

 

well .. until now we didnt finish the final exam .. but i'm really get enough from this course.. and inshallah it will finish really soon .. say ameen .. ameen ya rab..

 

anyhow.. about today exam .. it wasnt that hard.. and i did my best ... however, i really happy today ..and no one know until now why ?? or they maybe dont care.. well.. i just this morning.. or shall we say "noon".. while i was study my brother call and told me to search for something very quickly "noooooooow" as he said. i told him "i wanna finish, i didnt start with chapter 9 and i still have 4 chapter to go", but he didnt care that much .. so i went to search for that "something", i search in my room, his room .. and while i was searching in my dad room .. i found something verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry.. old actual .. it's a pictures of me, sister,and brother and my father.. it's almost 19 year since it's taken .. oooooooooooooooooh .. old old.. i was smaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall.. so i search more to found my grandfather and grand-grand father.. hehehehehe.. soo old picture.. it's sooo cute... and i found my father picture when he was almost as i guess 12 year old.. maybe i said.. well .. i know .. i wanna more of these picture.. so i search more and i found many many of old pictures of ppl i actually dont know.. however.. one picture that i was searching on it for such a while .. it's a picture of my mother "bless her".. i almost forgot her face.. thank godness i search today to find this face.. so i really take a time to remember her .. with my eyes on the picture .. i thought i forgot the feeling of "missing". but .. i'm glad ...Also her smile is very cute.. i hope i can smile like her.. that's not all .. i search for more.. heheheheh.. like i dont have any exam .. well .. it's once of the lifetime . cause i have to return all of it before my dad come..

 

i found it .. found the "RED NOTE".. this note i consider it like a treasure for us .. my mom used to write her "song".. well you know it's not a song it's a "anshoda" but i dont know what is it call in english.. so i really was happy happy happy ...i didnt read it yet.. but i was hoping if i found it one day.. i will write it all again . and i will bind the red note and fixed it to be like new .. and the writing note that i wrote i will just distrbute it .. to everyone i know.. because until now i remember the feeling when she was singing these songs.. very lovely .. well, i noticed today that her fonts.. it's very exelent .. and for one that didnt actually go to school???, i know now from where we got our ambitions .. hehehheheh.. as if .. i have one.. hehehhehe.. just kinding..

 

NOTE OF THIS DAY: we miss people who left us to the another life .. or who left us to other countries .. or maybe those who change .. in some way .. we know we love them .. and they know we do.. but the problem .. that no one say anything..  all people around me are very sensitive .. i wish i was too .. but maybe i really dont got human afterall .. hoping for the best

 

with the end of the day.. i wish i can draw a smile in your face .. like the smile i have right now..